What many spiritual types won’t tell you, won’t even admit to themselves, and won’t openly talk about with customers, clients, followers, is something that I am going to take a risk on revealing to you in an honest, real talk, raw vulnerability kind of way as you move through the depths of this article.
Before you step any further into the depths of real talk, take a breath. Close your eyes. Inhale deeply, exhale wholly. Open your heart and become willing to listen, value, explore and potentially express in ways that are brand new yet freeing and fortifying to you.
Now, onward we go, into the depths of my own raw and real existence and experiences that I draw on to learn, evolve and educate through.
There are days where I feel, on some level, on all levels even, like I require, no, like I NEED, validation from the outside world.
Yes, these days most likely mean that I am thoroughly vested in my emotional being. This feeling of being more in our emotional selves often looks likes waves of emotions coming and going, toing and froing, washing in to, over and around our bodies and beings. An emotional whitewashing of nothing and everything all at the same time if you will.
When we live conscious of our own existence, experience and place in the world, these bouts of emotional waves can be illuminating, awakening an awareness that contributes degrees of understanding, ease and acceptance to our lives. And this is how I came to see validation as something other than what we’ve been indoctrinated to know…“you don’t need validation from others, that needs only to come from within yourself”.
My truth is that there are times were I require, no, NEED, validation in my personal life and choices, in my professional life and choices, and in any and all life and choice arena’s that I call my own. This (validation) is the fuel of motivation to keep stepping, and it’s time that we stop ignoring that side of validation and embrace it more wholly.
I digress. We all honestly, truly, from the depths of our souls, know that true validation comes, and can only come, from the self. Self-validation supports that deep inner knowing and acceptance of who we are, what we do and our place in the world.
Self-validation is loving oneself so deeply, so intimately, so purely, that external non-validations barely register within ones being, resulting in little to no impact on one’s self esteem, worth and value.
The truth of being human as I see it, hear and feel it, is that we also require validation to come from external sources. AND. That it’s actually a healthy part of being human!
Ah, the shock of going against the grain. Hear me out though, because it will change your life and contribute making healthy self-observations and choices for yourself.
Validation from external sources promotes within our bodies, our beings, our hearts and our minds, a sense of internal healing. In fact, it gives us space to breathe.
External validation also promotes a sense of being heard, of being valued, of being recognised and of being in and on this planet, together, in UNITY with others! Think connection, think being seen.
Only external validation encourages us to keep going, to keep moving forward, onward and upward in whatever life experiences and decisions we wish to imbue into our physical and practical lives. It is, or can be, our motivating source when we ourselves are bankrupt of motivation to empower our own momentum forward. See?
Now of course, if we are seeking external validations from outside of ourselves, doing so constantly and as a way of life, then yes, this an unhealthy attachment and approach to your existence. However, to deny that we, on any level, require those outsourced and evidentiary types of validation is a spiritual untruth that is blinkered, veiled and in discord with a whole bodied approach to living life in genuine acceptance.
To disguise the wider truth of validation is, in my opinion and experience, a dangerous undertaking that can further promote and perpetuate feelings of inadequacy, hopelessness and unworthiness as the unattainable is unachievable. Unveiling the wider truth of validation gives people more realistic and achievable opportunity for it to be a contributor to their holistic ecosystem of support that promotes people thriving within their lives.
Thriving environments and ecosystems (internal and external) are not established, honoured or maintained through unattainable beliefs, teachings or paradigms, nor through any of the multiplex of beliefs that sound good but aren’t the FULL or complete truth.
And this is where we are at, today. Accepting the WHOLE TRUTH of validation.
Validation; whether through sisterhood conversations, counselling methods, feedback or expressions of gratitude from those within your life; is a very natural human requirement. It is a natural expression of empathy, compassion and gratitude, and a very natural way of encouraging, supporting and uplifting those around you. Validation is comfort!
Reframe Your Thinking: Seeking a little validation outside of yourself is not a far cry from being on the same level as seeking signs, supports and directions from spirit or the universe.
Seeking, and we all do it, directions from the universe, asking for signs from spirit, seeking to be heard or asking for kind words from those around us, are all methods of validation from external sources.
Whilst they may not be the ‘be all, end all’ of your existence, these are comforts to us! Signs most certainly go a long way toward encouraging our next steps, supporting our next moves or propelling us forward, onward and upward in our life’s path. They all support our self-esteem by ensuring that we FEEL noticed in our existence in family, community, society and in this big beautiful planet we call our home. With validation being akin to seeking signs, validation offers us comfort, and comfort is beneficial to all of us.
Validation. It’s not good and it’s not bad. We can seek it to an unhealthy extreme, or we can ensure that we give it and receive it from times, places and spaces of love. In doing so, we ensure that we are both giving and receiving validation in balance and in harmony, thus creating an effect that flows expansively rather than in discord.
Let’s stop pretending that we don’t NEED validating from external sources, because we do, and it is unhealthy for our mental, physical, emotional and spiritual wellbeing to think or believe otherwise.
Let’s smash the illusion that it’s not spiritually right to be seeking validation from anywhere outside of ourselves, and instead, ask for it show up in kind and supportive ways, in ways that will encourage us, help us and support us on our chosen paths. Or more simply put, in ways that allow us to KNOW that we are seen.
Let’s be sure that we offer physical types of validation to those we do see, hear, value and appreciate.
And finally, let’s accept and embody the WHOLE TRUTH of validation. When we do this, and do so with without any hang-ups, the love for ourselves will naturally grow and expand into something even more beautiful than it is, today.
*If you want to contribute more to this conversation, follow up on social media or drop me a question through our ASK ME page.