Let’s embark on a journey of self-discovery, powerful insight, and functional awareness that will guide us back into the light after being in the shadows. Being in the shadows is an important aspect of our growth and development, of evolution and expansion beyond barriers and limitations of all kinds.
For the most part of my earthly existence, I have believed in the power of stories. Our ability to share stories has healing capabilities, anecdotal properties, and resources to educate ourselves on evolving as individuals, communities, and collectives. So, this journey begins with a story, a small story of lived experience with insecurities and how it plagued my very being and relationships from an early age.
From an early age, I was caught in a world where I didn’t belong, or at least, where I felt like I didn’t belong. It was in this world where I didn’t belong that the concept of insecurity crept in like a squatter who would not leave. With the basic needs of safety and connection being unmet, the foul stench of insecurity stung often with each minor experience of choices gone awry, a sting so viscerally present like a poisonous dart piercing my skin and infecting my heart with each prick. Existing in the type of environments that sting you often through harmful interactions and rejections turns out to be the perfect breeding ground for insecurities of all kinds.
In my story, I do believe that they were innate, that I was indeed born into this world with the seeds of insecurity firmly implanted into my body and being. Seeds that if fed, would thrive, and if not, would die. Alas, they were fed and fed well. Harnessing insecurities to operate to, developing insecure attachments, and aligning weekly, if not daily, with insecure attitudes, behaviours and beliefs was easy and unchallenged…for the most part.
Enter the realm of 30-something, and life begins to look different, feel different, mean different and ultimately, change. In this stage of life, you begin to recognise the past dysfunctions, the illusions, and the discomfort of all that was, and if you are willing to, you commit to breaking it all down to breakthrough into a world where you are secure in yourself, secure in your relationships, in your life, and secure in your purpose and place here on this planet. Fast forward to the moment of now and you reflect on the journey, on the many metaphorical deaths the healing process brings as your operating systems get razed to the ground and revived from the ashes like the spirit of a Phoenix.
What most find challenging to accept in the true journey of healing, is the wounds of ourselves that we intentionally heal, through kindness, love, and acceptance in their various guises; reiki, counselling, energy work, coaching, shadow work etc; do not completely dissolve out of existence. Instead, they shrink. They decrease in size and their impact, and over time, they do become so minuscule that we no longer recognise or feel their presence. Yet what this means is that, over time, we learn to live with them, to accept them, and to adapt to life with them in ways that reduce their impact. Our wounds, like insecurities, are an intricate part of ourselves that lay dormant until the right circumstance, the right environment, comes along and breathes life into it once more, much like the seeds of the Black Wattle which lay in wait for the flames of fires to stimulate germination. Our wounds, although healed, have the capacity to be revived under the right conditions, to come on by and say hello, or to bite back as was the case of my insecurities. They came back, and they bit hard! Just like the Phoenix though, and as my husband has been reminding me, I will rise again. It has always been so. It turns out, through reflective recognition, it is what I am good at. I am good at metaphorically burning it all to the ground and rebuilding a better self from the ashes below.
Reflective practice is useful. It is illuminating and insightful and helps you to rise from the ashes like the mythical creature, the Phoenix. What I’ve learnt this time through reflection, asking questions and considering past, present and future behaviours, is that there has been unintentional harm inflicted upon some relationships due to my insecurities, harm that up until this point I had not been able to see. I have also learnt more about the natural ebb and flow of my being. Through this experience of rising insecurities, I am becoming more intimate with the natural rise and fall, the flow and flux, that natural rhythm that my body, heart, mind, and soul move to.
Learning, somewhat finally, that I do indeed have seasons that I operate to, and that I do indeed have an obvious flow and flux period throughout a seasonal year, has been one of the best gifts I have received this year. Self-awareness is always a powerhouse in your natural progression in life, but to be given a key component to your operating system, a primitive yet poignant operation manual for you, is a blessing. And what it means thus far in the journey of healing, is that I am currently in an incubus period, that magical, mystical time of being a minuscule seed sitting within the ashes moving molecules and mountains to give way to the rise of the Pheonix once more. And thus, as I tame my insecurities, learning more about myself in the process, understanding the intricacies, the complexities, of being human, my soul comes alive with the essence of hopefulness. Hopefulness is the human desire that governs the rise from the ashes. Without it, the spark required to rise is not stimulated into action. The seed of recreation is not germinated. What I find helpful in the periods of flux and incubation, is to remind myself of these questions, where else would I be, what else would I do?
And so, I ask you, what else is there but to rise after the fall? What else is there but to rise from the ashes and take flight with the magic and mysticism wielded by the gentle yet tenacious, Phoenix? What else is there but to allow the rising of the wounds to be the flames that activate your rise out of the ashes and into a better version of YOU!?
Would you like to work with Phoenix energy? To connect and create with Phoenix? Check out our Phoenix Rising Conscious Colouring Pages on Etsy.
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