After a full morning of filming and edits, I panicked. My anxiety crept, little by little, to the surface until I caught myself in a battle.
Not a battle between resilience and anxiety. Nor a battle to give in or keep moving.
A battle between two states of being; conscious or unconscious.
The Conscious State is mindful of what’s going on, it’s soft and soothing, wanting to feel the anxiety, befriend it, ease it and move on from it.
The Unconscious State is more destructive, vengeful even, as it calls for externalising the pain, to project the feeling and cause suffering elsewhere.
Which one won out do you think? The conscious or unconscious state of being?
The winner, obviously or not so obviously, is The Conscious State. But how, when it would be so easy to succumb to the darker side of externalisation and projection, did The Conscious State come out on top?
Aside from the internal dialogue that occurs when there is any struggle going on within our bodies and being, there are a number of practical supports that alleviated the struggle and soothed the anxiety.
Let’s begin with the journal. Sometimes the journal can be an overrated tool. Got a problem? Journal it. Unsure of your next step? Journal it. Feeling angry? Journal it.
Honestly, though, the journal is a tool worth keeping in your toolbox, even if it doesn’t get daily use.
So, I grabbed my journal. Other bits and pieces too, like workbook drafts and the Quokka Spirit Animal Guide, but it was the journal that had the most effect. And yet, I didn’t even write in it!
I did not write in my journal, so how did it help?
Well, I sat my journal on the desk in front of me, cupped my face in my hands and wondered what I was going to write.
Spirit knows I was in no mood to ‘tune in’ and respectfully request guidance or clarity around my anxiety. No, I would have spewed out all the externalisation thoughts and feedback loop that was chomping at the bit to be given reign to trample everything in the path.
And that is why I didn’t write. I stopped using my journal as a projection tool to vent about this person and that a long time ago…actually, it feels like a long time ago but if I’m truly honest, it was only year.
This internal thought process opened the door enough for The Conscious State to slip a delicate foot into and begin the intimate hum of internal dialect that gently buoys one to consciously choose how best to represent themselves in the world.
Next, and in true “perfectly timed fashion”, the potential object of my externalisation entered the doorway, presenting an opportunity, another space to choose. Will I project? Will I hide it? Or will I feel?
With an inhale deeply drawn (the breath is your friend) I chose…consciously chose to let my emotions flow, to allow my anxiety to be seen, heard and supported. Or at the very least, I chose to give myself the opportunity to express my emotions and receive comfort should a form of reciprocity be extended to me.
It was. I cried. I sobbed. I allowed the emotion to enter in waves washing over and through my body whereby it was expelled upon the waves of each exhale I took within the moment also.
And that was enough. It was enough to soothe my anxious body and spirit. It was enough to seat me in the realms of consciousness. It was enough to set me free from the battle, released once more so that I may restore my body, heart, mind and soul. It was enough to begin the process of healing, leading me to be fully conscious and intentional on my travels refreshed and renewed.
If you need help with designing your conscious counselling or therapeutic business or your conscious life and being, then feel free to reach out through my Contact Form, I am here to help.
In the meantime, head on over to the ‘Conscious Connections‘ group on FB to begin building your conscious support networks.