Any semblance of spiritual life, growth, business or self care has been sorely
lacking over these past few weeks that have been the school holidays.
In short, I have been bad to myself, and this ‘bad for my spiritual, physical,
metal, soulful self’ is not my usual way.
My usual way of life sees me work well around my children with my self care
needs, with meditation times, walk times, business, spiritual growth, experience
and consistency of all those things, and yet these summer school holidays have
seen it all fall to the wayside and into a chasm of neglect which is now reflected
in how I feel both within myself and within my body.
It would seem, that I have been unable to ‘lift’ during these school holidays.
Unable to get myself into any form of structure or consistency what so ever.
Even the act of writing this piece in the final few days of the school holidays is
proving more difficult than it really should be.
I’m feeling, yes. I’m learning, yes. I’m growing, yes. But, I am and have been, so
heavily distracted by the family, and this distraction is a bubbling  away in a
cauldron of neglect, one that has resulted in the my acceptance that life is what
it is right now and any conscious effort to promote growth, healing,
understanding, acceptance or evolved awareness of self just isn’t on the cards
for me throughout January; not as I would hope anyway, with only snippets
here and there of all that good stuff.
Every day throughout January has proven to be a battle, a struggle, to do good
for myself, to do ‘right’ by myself. And by this ‘good or right’, I mean I have
struggled with the simplest of acts such as eating good food, eating regularly,
meditating or even a daily ritual, exercise or being more active, journalling or
even playing to my full potential; undistracted.

I have not been good to myself over these school holidays. Maybe it’s a
reflection of not being treated well over the Christmas period. Maybe it’s a ‘last
rebel’ kind of stand because I know when school returns this year, so too will
the structure, the action, the motivation.
I know that it will be busy with a focus on all that is good for me. A focus on
business, on growth, on spiritual connections and development, on progressing
through this life in what will look to the outside world as a whirlwind of
success.
I know this, and yet for now it is all at a stand still. I know this, and yet I am
​ unable to move, to motivate, to action. I know this, and yet I rebel. My mind
rebels, my body rebels, and it feels like the last hoorah of being bad to myself;
Drinking my full cream milk coffee on a stomach that already feels queasy,
certainly feels like a last, albeit incredibly dumb, hoorah.

Right now, I am bad to and for myself. This means that I am not helpful to my
being or my cause in any substantial or meaningful way. Maybe this has come
from resigning myself to the fact that January is a write off for me, and that
maybe it should always be. And the truth is, I am feeling that all school holidays
should be a write off for me, and that these times should be the times where I
rest and restore along with my family. Times where we holiday together, rest
together, play together.
Yet the acceptance of this is still not a full and present acceptance, it is more of
a ‘resigning myself to’ energy, therefore the rebel has come out to play.
The mistreatment of myself is all too loud and obvious right now. It is
consuming, with only an end in sight some time next week when the children
are all fully integrated back into school life.

Yet as I said, it’s not usually my way. Usually my spiritual practices are set. They
are easy to implement, and when they are not, I make sure that I fit them in
anyway. I make sure that my kids know that I need me time in whatever way
that looks like. Usually, that’s what I do. Usually I participate in spirit circles, I
meditate, I journal, I write. Usually I do readings, I do healings, I study.

Usually.

Usually I have it all together in some kind of imperfect balancing act, and it has
been that way because I worked at it, and I worked determinedly and diligently
to implement my own self care and self love routines. I worked to implement
self care into my family life. I worked at putting myself first because I needed
the self care. I worked at tending to my needs in the family environment, not at
the cost of any one else, but in addition to, and I worked at it all because I knew
that the more I gave to myself, the more I’d have to give to the others.

Yes, this meant that I enforced the boundary of me time, it meant that I issued
warnings of overstepping the mark and breaking my quiet time with petty
sibling squabbles. It meant the simplest of things such as, Mum eating breakfast
with the whole family or not getting up from the dinner table because me
eating my dinner was as equally important as everybody else eating theirs.
It meant retraining all of us to see and feel me in different light than what I once
shone; the light of the Mum/Wife/Business Woman who had no time to do
anything for herself, who always put the needs of others above her own.

Usually.

Usually just doesn’t cut it. Usually has dissolved and disintegrated right before
my eyes, and usually needs to be reborn, rebirthed into a status of continued,
conscious, daily status once more.

It means readjusting my attitude, my thoughts. It means doing things
differently, and it means taking the time, the proper time to care for myself, to
love myself. And the truth is, we can all benefit from more self love, from
creating spaces and energy that values us, that gives to us as much as it gives to
everyone else in our family.

So, Mumma’s, Wife’s, Business Women or Women To Busy For Themselves, if
you are finding that you haven’t got the time to eat properly, to shower
regularly, to read a book or meditate, if you haven’t got the time to replenish
and restore, to go for that walk, to journal, write or reflect, if you haven’t got
the time to attend those yoga classes or workshops or retreats you’ve really
wanted to do, now is the time to reconsider the message that you are giving
yourself, your family, and the universe.
Now is the time to start giving to yourself, little by little, because I assure you,
that filling your cup is what allows you to be of greater service and impact to
those around you, and no matter what you’ve been told, what you’ve been
taught or what you’ve come to accept, you are worth it.
You are worth the self love, the self care, the self nourishing acts that will see
you radiate a brighter, bolder, authentic expression of raw and real living that
supplies you with what you need as much as you supply those around you with
what they need.

In short, be what you need to be for yourself, and you will find it easier to be what you truly need to be for others.
Not only are you worth it, you also deserve it.

With Love, Blessings, Raw & Real Honesty,
Gemma Rose
xox


​​Gemma Rose Green is the Raw & Real Goddess. She is a deeply passionate
advocate and teacher of self acceptance, self love and authentic
expression. Gemma encourages a deepened connection to self, to
sisterhood, humanity and source, and she has a deep affinity with ocean.
Gemma Rose Green inspires a healing revolution from within, contact her
today to find out how she can help you to live your fullest, boldest, most
badass authentic expression every day.
~ Author ~ Creative ~ Soul Intuitive Energy Reader, Healer, Mentor ~ Medium (always in the
making) ~ Passionate Advocate of Love, Truth, Equality & Humanity ~ Circle & Workshop Facilitator ~